i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
