I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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