tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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