Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
