So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
