Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
