don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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