I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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