So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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