the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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