he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
