i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
