haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
