Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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