epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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