i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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