i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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