Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
