After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
