watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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