No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
