This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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