watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
