Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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