If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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