Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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