Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
