I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
