So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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