Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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