is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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