Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
