I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
