I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
