and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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