They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
