Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
