your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
