we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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