My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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