I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
