xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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