Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
