Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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