If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
