Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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