Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
