Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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