Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
