I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
