I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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