I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
